Attachment Theory - How Your Childhood Affects Your Love Style

20 mag 2019
1 717 455 visualizzazioni

Subscribe to our podcast:
How To Make An Amazing First Impression:
Subscribe to Charisma On Command’s ITworlds Account:

We all handle relationships in different ways. One powerful way to understand these differences is through the lens of Attachment Theory. According to psychologists, there are four main “attachment styles” which have a profound effect on our relationships.
In this video, we’ll break down these different styles using some iconic characters, and show how you can use this knowledge to improve your relationships with everyone around you.

0:20 - Style #1: Avoidant
3:01 - Style #2: Anxious
6:03 - Style #3: Fearful
9:27 - Style #4: Secure
#SelfDevelopment #CharismaOnCommand #AttachmentTheory
Connect With Us Further:
Instagram: @CharismaOnCommand
Or if you want to see our personal stuff (regular life + playing music):
Instagram: @CharlieHoupert
Instagram: @IamBenAltman

  • It is your fault.🤠

    John MetzgerJohn Metzger12 ore fa
  • Great video thank you !

    Ana YostAna Yost14 ore fa
  • bruh I am avoidant. But I have never had any problems. I just don't like emotions.

    Ahmad KarimAhmad Karim19 ore fa
  • i actually cant believe that #1 was literally me. like he looked at the history of my life and who I am at my core. like damn

    RandomUsernameRandomUsernameGiorno fa
  • Now I recognize that i am the anxious type and I’m happy to know that what i’m doing to cope with it is the right thing to do, btw i love that you use the MCU for you examples

    primusfan87primusfan87Giorno fa
  • Everything you said about anxious, described me 😟 but at the same time, secure attachment style suits me too.

    Sepehr MnSepehr MnGiorno fa
  • Is it possible to be a little bit of each type of style

    Justin LordJustin LordGiorno fa
  • Show emotions Me: panique

    Signe StråleSigne StråleGiorno fa
  • Anakin was right about one thing. Anger is a powerful tool to suppress your anxiety. There is so much untapped power in the dark side, but the price will chock you...

    Dritzz DarkwoodDritzz Darkwood2 giorni fa
  • Wow I knew my dad was a mix of avoidant and fearful. And I’m a mix of mostly anxious but with some small aspects of secure

    jonathan Astrojonathan Astro2 giorni fa
  • Who else is man enough to admit that they cried on Robin William's Good Will Hunting scene?

    Ninjhetto NLK3Ninjhetto NLK33 giorni fa
  • I feel like I went from fearful to anxious to just giving up on relationships

    UnelithUnelith3 giorni fa
  • Wow Noah from the notebook was just a sociopath

    a guya guy3 giorni fa
  • $UCCE$$ is provenly not happiness. If it were the rich would not divorce!! Psychology has it wrong! "Happines is success" and i dont see many at all who truly display it just the facade of it. If wealth = happiness why are there soo many pics, vids, reality shows of unhappy wealthy people proving otherwise...stop lying to yourselves and listening to the professional stupidity.

    bUll3t4MyVAlentineeebUll3t4MyVAlentineee3 giorni fa
  • I'm a very confused type because I can relate to all of them (I'm more of a secure type with an avoidant streak atm).

    PaTypusPaTypus3 giorni fa
  • Damn im a broken man 😐😂🤣

    Amin ParsianAmin Parsian3 giorni fa
  • awesome video

    whisperingwind7whisperingwind74 giorni fa
  • I must me the fearful type but I don't get violent I just start pushing people away

    JokerJoker4 giorni fa
  • i feel like i have a bit of all of them, it feels weird

    KarolKarol4 giorni fa
  • Avoidant all day everyday

    olu oluolu olu4 giorni fa
  • lol yeah they were edit: captain americas dad was a drunk and watched him beat his mom daily pretty much lol. attachment theory gets proven wrong daily.

    American PharoahAmerican Pharoah4 giorni fa
  • haha jokes on you *im all of them*

    AEBIOUSAEBIOUS4 giorni fa
  • Seems like everyone in the comments are proud to show off their issues.. any other secure types out there?

    Dan RichterDan Richter4 giorni fa
  • I'm going to disagree with this entire video coming from a guy's perspective. 1. When it comes to avoidance, no one avoids being emotionally present when it comes to dealing with women. If you've ever observed or been in a relationship with women, you know being emotionally unavailable will get you the best results out of her. 2. I agree with this point to an extant. See if your interested in someone, most guys would delude themselves into thinking that person is perfect. However when someone your in a relationship with starts doing things that are out of character, you are not deluded and should investigate. 3. Okay content creator, don't take a movie scene no one can relate to and expect us to fully be on board. No guy has ever told a girl I'll love you so much I want to have a shot with you and the girl took him in and they had the best relationship because he was honest and predictable. 4. Again how many guys have just been honest, truthful and trusted completely in their girlfriend and had the same reciprocated back for the rest of their relationship. I'm not being a troll but I believe you should watch a "Donovan Sharpe" or "A D redpill" video so you can give accurate information. Not what sounds morally righteous.

    Kamogelo Moleele PadiKamogelo Moleele Padi4 giorni fa
  • Do u need help if you have everything but secure. Imma need to see a specialist

    Rellio GamingRellio Gaming4 giorni fa
  • The anxious theory just perfectly matched my reality and it explains a lot for me.

    kunststofarchipelkunststofarchipel4 giorni fa
  • I'm all 4

    RoddyRoddy4 giorni fa
  • I wish I could've shown this video to my 15 yo self.

    SawderfSawderf5 giorni fa
  • I don't get why the avengers had to be in this other than brand recognition

    Unpopular Youtube ChannelUnpopular Youtube Channel5 giorni fa
  • Ok what if I’m all of em 😳

    Xavier BernardXavier Bernard5 giorni fa
  • I'm the Fifth Type ... Awesome

    Harry JudeHarry Jude5 giorni fa
  • why is this video attacking me

    Aaditya BisariaAaditya Bisaria5 giorni fa
  • I'm an Anxious Avoidant (Fearful) due to emotional, psychological, mental, physical and sexual abuse throughout my childhood, adolescence and teenage years.

    Haruka SatouHaruka Satou5 giorni fa
  • I used to be fearful but I think I am gravitating towards secure, healing from childhood problems, working on myself, accepting things for they are and changing my thought process to stop assuming the worst and its a relationship with a secure type that changed me for the most part, and I myself wanting to change and actually learning self assurance and being self aware.

    adhya Kadhya K5 giorni fa
  • is it possible to relate to them ALL??

    JuiceJuice5 giorni fa
  • I’m a secure type with extremely high standards As I have an extremely happy environment at home, secure and with a lot of growth, I can’t find anyone that I think it’s good enough. Because until now there’s not a better place and people than my parents :/ So I never get attracted to a deep level because I don’t admire them enough

    Paloma CanedoPaloma Canedo6 giorni fa
  • Is it me or I still don't what am I. I never had a relationship so I can't identify myself with anything.

    HungHung6 giorni fa
  • Numbers 1 and 4 includes a guy named Kaiser! Muhuhahaha 🤟🏻

    Roman KaiserRoman Kaiser6 giorni fa
  • Im the secure type

    Mikael WallentinMikael Wallentin6 giorni fa
  • Guess I’m fearful

    domanick09domanick096 giorni fa

    jacob birchjacob birch6 giorni fa
  • I would love to hear what you'd say about narcissistic personality disorder.

    David AdkinsDavid Adkins7 giorni fa
  • I be a bit anxious type...unfortunately

    Barry BuckleyBarry Buckley7 giorni fa
    • Hey...I have good hobbies and individuality...looks like I'm doing myself right. I might go insane otherwise

      Barry BuckleyBarry Buckley7 giorni fa
  • What was the movie with the alien woman who wanted to kill her father?

    Mr. IlluminatiMr. Illuminati7 giorni fa
    • Guardians of the Galaxy: Volume 1.

      DerryDerry6 giorni fa
  • A got Attachment Quiz ads, is it a coincidence or what??

    Suci Nurul HudaSuci Nurul Huda7 giorni fa
  • I'm a hardcore avoidant since like you said my dad wasn't there emotionally, no one talked to me about girls etc. What i did and am doing which is helping me very much is theatre. It really pushes me out of my comfort zone in every way possible and allowed me to actually not be afraid of what other people think of me and acting really is a great way to practice difficult emotions. I highly recommend this to anyone that sees this comment.

    SOLAIRESOLAIRE7 giorni fa
  • I hate that I'm a fearful type. And yeah, there was childhood physical and emotional abuse. I have hobbies at least... I'm not violent but I can lash out verbally and self sabotage. Thank God for therapy. I'll be secure one day damn it.

    PriusRajPriusRaj7 giorni fa
  • Man, that anxious type description was almost fourth wall breaking to me. How... you know me this well... using my words exactly? Damn that was scary

    Khan ChabrakKhan Chabrak7 giorni fa
  • This is a great video, I was definitely a Fearful before therapy and I can honestly vouch for the effectiveness of unpacking your childhood with a professional in case any of you needed to hear that. Seek help. It makes life easier and its so much more liberating to outgrow it. I feel like I'm moving more into the Secure type in most areas of life but there's still that lingering Avoidant when it comes to considering romance. Hoping to move past that soon. Fingers crossed.

    Vineeta TyagiVineeta Tyagi7 giorni fa
  • Will is a big baby

  • Oh great, I'm a fearful, who would've thought

    FubstheFishFubstheFish7 giorni fa
  • Fearful but definitely not the violent type... humor and my smile are my defense mechanism. If I can pretend long enough that I'm okay, and don't let people too close, I look okay! I can't stand the thought of the few people I hold dear worrying about me, but i never tell them when I'm not okay.

    Faust SilberfeinFaust Silberfein8 giorni fa
  • Laughs in childhood trauma.

    Delta040301Delta0403018 giorni fa
  • As someone who was an anxious type i can say self harm isnt always about control It helps focus pain on a physical point instead of an emotional and untreatable pain and wound

    CherryGirlHunterCherryGirlHunter8 giorni fa
  • What a bunch of bs

    Tyler SeibertTyler Seibert8 giorni fa
  • I feel like I have all 4

    Rahul VermaRahul Verma8 giorni fa
  • I'm the fearful type. I can't form many relationships, but then are worried about my own shortcomings. I hate myself inside and out. Yup, trauma and avoidant parents and family. Yeehaw!

    Rob HRob H8 giorni fa
  • I wish my Sense of Humor had matched my Avoidant nature !! Man!! Give me something !!

    UNNAVA DEUNNAVA DE8 giorni fa
  • Jackpot! Fearful-avoidant. I just... don't get involved in deep connections even though I crave them. IDK man.

    Christa SoloChrista Solo8 giorni fa
  • Bruuuuh, that moment you realize that your avoidant type ;(

    Jazoink Last nameJazoink Last name8 giorni fa
  • I've pretty much narrowed it down to 1 and 3, over the years, but I've never been anywhere near 4. Either way, I've never had the means, or been in a functional place to even consider a relationship possible, anyway. Don't plan on it, either.

    ShamrockχShamrockχ8 giorni fa
  • Anyone relate to all of em?

    Yuib KysYuib Kys8 giorni fa
  • I'm pretty sure everyone in my family and everyone I've ever met is a combination of 1, 2, and 3 in varying degrees.

    ItsAllAboutGuitarItsAllAboutGuitar8 giorni fa
  • Is it weird that my therapist was surprised when I took a quiz and was primarily secure.

    tpespostpespos9 giorni fa
  • can someone tell what type batman is ?

  • If you had parents who were born in the 65's you'll find lots of problems dealing with them and you can't convince them or anything. They think they know better no matter what you do or say.

    AhabRawGamingAhabRawGaming9 giorni fa
  • I’m the anxious type and so I just don’t date... idk what to do

    OcitalOcital9 giorni fa

    BieberwastakenBieberwastaken9 giorni fa
  • You have to accept the only thing that will ever truly unconditionally love you is yourself. Unconditional love doesn’t exist. Your pets don’t even unconditionally love you. Because if you were to hit your dog it would be very pissed off and try to bite you. The reason it loves you is because you take care of it and feed it. This is why pups raised with neglect turn territorial. If it unconditionally loved you it would still have to be loyal. You become a murderer your own parents will wish you were dead as the mother of one of the. Columbine students actually prayed for god to kill her child when she found out he was shooting other children inside the school from police. Love is conditional but that is a good thing because it should tell how important the people who do love you are because they have limits

  • Hey who else all top 3?

    Eric NelsonEric Nelson9 giorni fa
  • When you realize that you are a combination of all 4 types

    Toni LeoToni Leo9 giorni fa
  • What if you are all 3? Not secure one

    Dovah JunDovah Jun9 giorni fa
  • "Anxious is the inverse of avoidant" uuuhhh, but I'm both. Help, I'm confused and afraid! "Fearful combines traits of anxious and avoidant types" Oh thank God, that explains it.

    Jeffrey WilliamsJeffrey Williams9 giorni fa
  • TIL I’m Iron Man.

    Sarah KhorshidianSarah Khorshidian9 giorni fa
  • I'm fearful.

    MatterkingMatterking9 giorni fa
  • While I wouldn't say that I'm a full on fearful type. I do share traits of an avoidant when settling into a relationship or a fling. And then if I'm in the relationship, I slowly convert into an anxious type depending on certain things. If anybody has an idea of what that can mean, be my guest. :>

    FįžžBĐFįžžBĐ9 giorni fa

    Kim KimpaKim Kimpa9 giorni fa
  • I'm more of a secure type with sprinkle of anxious and avoidant. I can deal with loss and be calm when bad things happens but i'd be lying if it doesn't affect me or hurt me or not fearing of doing it again or starts feeling discomfort finding someone to trust again. What i do is i check and balance those emotion if it ever comes. I acknowledge the grim reality of trust/attachment but never fully let it consume me.

    SQUAD012SQUAD0129 giorni fa
  • Fearful type here. After 3 total collapses of social networks, combined with father dead at 6 and mom working constantly just to provide for 2 growing children and being the outcast who's "friends" were only tolerating out of fear I'd be a school shooter despite an obvious phobia of guns, forgive me if I say no thanks to anymore "help". As far as I'm concerned, trusting humans is the dumbest thing a person can do.

    RinyotsuRinyotsu9 giorni fa
  • Seems like I have all 4 - I have my work cut out 😀😅

    Livid -TSKLivid -TSK9 giorni fa
  • I feel like a combination of 1 and 4

    Lena None of your businessLena None of your business10 giorni fa
  • Im in a secure state damn

    NetrunnerNetrunner10 giorni fa
  • Im the secure type

    Kevin 45Kevin 4510 giorni fa
  • I was going to comment who also is a combination of one and two... then I saw number three... ope XD

    Kian TinsmanKian Tinsman10 giorni fa
  • So I'm a fearful

    Mr. Beat_downMr. Beat_down10 giorni fa
  • I’m writing a story and I just realized that an anxious type is is in love with an avoidant wow that’s not going to good

    Lilly SattlerLilly Sattler10 giorni fa
    • Sounds like my last relationship. I'm slightly anxious but it gets worse with time apart, and she was super avoidant. ...I'm doing myself right at least. I have good hobbies and usually express plenty of individuality.

      Barry BuckleyBarry Buckley7 giorni fa
  • My childhood: *raised by a half sister and a pack of dogs while being neglect by our parents* Also me: “what is love?”

    Sigmar HeldenhammerSigmar Heldenhammer10 giorni fa
  • I'm Secure👍

    DRΞλMΞRDRΞλMΞR10 giorni fa
  • okay so i forgot about that scene from iron man 3, so it was a humourous suprise

    sharp wolf138sharp wolf13810 giorni fa
  • I got an attachment theory ad on this

    The Red BreadThe Red Bread10 giorni fa
  • I think that I have learned to be secure, despite having been married to a lunatic

    Christopher EllisChristopher Ellis10 giorni fa
    • Your beard is awesome my guy👍

      Harry SandhuHarry Sandhu10 giorni fa
  • I like hughing my hommies

    Elvis SanchezElvis Sanchez11 giorni fa
  • Fearful: Because we know too much about ourselves and thereby others. We see that relationships are just impressions, smoke in mirrors, flights of fancy, a tug of war, 2 ppl blindfolding one another, a charade we only find out about at the end. We are afraid cuz we know that what we gain is just monopoly money but when we lose is it feels like actual currency. Anyone who has the courage to really stop and look will see the disaster that we are playing out in relationships and the only reward is the truth, hard ground, something tangible.

    Michael ShannonMichael Shannon11 giorni fa
  • Mostly 4, but a bit of 2 as well.

    Emm RouseEmm Rouse11 giorni fa
  • I used to be the anxious type, it's not totally gone, but I had a lot of guidance from people I trusted and I attached myself to quotes and ideas that really helped me to see things differently.

    Templaric LegionTemplaric Legion11 giorni fa
  • Fearful type *is rare* Attention addicts: _i am the unique_

    Mr. LinguiniMr. Linguini11 giorni fa
  • I am somewhat of a combination of avoidant and fearful.Yey for me!

    Adelin PopaAdelin Popa11 giorni fa
  • I think I’m avoidant and secure

    Max4MillionMax4Million11 giorni fa
  • i might be an avoidant type :( owell

    BOBthe1988BOBthe198811 giorni fa
  • When you have Aspergers... So you're reclusive, but you don't fit any of the stereotypes as to why. I've stifled quite a few counselors, therapists, etc. Some people just enjoy their own company and prefer being out in nature, or enjoying a good book, over noise and chaos that comes with other people. I just like quiet, peaceful things... and trains. Trains are cool.

    Coby KonneorCoby Konneor11 giorni fa