How To Argue With Someone Who Won’t Listen

16 nov 2020
477 949 visualizzazioni

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It seems to be harder than ever to get through to people logically.
In fact, some of the smartest people have the most sophisticated psychological booby traps when it comes to heated subjects. So in this video, we're going to break down why sometimes people won’t listen to reason even when they’re smart, and what techniques you can use to finally get through to someone who can’t listen to reason.

Our video on Steven Crowder:
Our video on Trevor Noah

0:00 - Intro.
2:12 - #1: Being stunned by new information.
3:01 - #2: Inaccurately summarizing the other's perspective.
4:01 - #3: Misreading nefarious intent.
4:41 - #4: Regularly moving goalposts.
5:35 - #5: Yelling or getting angry.
6:12 - #6: Attacking someone's character.
6:34 - #7: Retreating Without Concession
8:05 - 3 Key Mindsets To Change Their Mind
9:05 - The Most Dangerous Cognitive Dissonance

Connect with us further:
Instagram: @CharismaOnCommand
Or if you want to see our personal stuff:
Instagram: @CharlieHoupert
Instagram: @IamBenAltman

  • It brings to mind the Covid scam, you cannot use reason with some who did not reach their conclusion with reason.

    Sarah WalesSarah Wales54 secondi fa
  • Man, where was this video 3 weeks ago when I had my falling out with my mother. She is all emotional brain, and my emotional brain is stunted so I rely heavily on logic and it just doesn't work on her, in fact it made things worse.

    Kaleigh CKaleigh C14 minuti fa
  • The art of playing "good cop / bad cop".

    ballhawk387ballhawk38734 minuti fa
  • We still have a lot to learn from world's best interview ever

    find outfind out2 ore fa
  • And the servants of (Allah) Most Gracious are those who walk on the earth in humility, and when the ignorant address them, they say, "Peace!" - The Holy Quran

    nimer bushnaqnimer bushnaq2 ore fa
  • Yeah take it from a master like Ben Shapiro. Say how popular your are and how nobody has heard of your opponent, then storm off.

    ugly like ur mummaugly like ur mumma3 ore fa
  • I couldn't bother with reestablishing rapport. I point them to this video and prove that they're absolutely wrong!

    1% at a Time1% at a Time3 ore fa
  • This is not cognitive dissonance that is being talked about in this video. This is cognitive rigidity. Cognitive Dissonance is the psychological stress caused by an incongruence of current beliefs and actions and new information. It is a critical part of the learning process when experienced by mature individuals because it causes them to evaluate the new information and the old information and make a decision on which to keep. Cognitive dissonance is something that we should attempt to bring on more because it forces growth and development as long as the person is mentally mature and has the tools necessary to properly evaluate information. In most debates, however, you see cognitive rigidity which is the inability to adapt to new demands or information. In most of these examples, we are seeing cognitive rigidity, not cognitive dissonance. I'm not sure how cognitive dissonance became all the rage over the past few years and has become the reason for all our problems, but whoever brought it to the spotlight carried the wrong term with them.

    Lessons From The ScreenLessons From The Screen4 ore fa
  • Can I request that you do a video on Blackpink? I think that could be really interesting.

    WhitnAle01WhitnAle014 ore fa
  • Ah, cognitive dissonance is just one way to deny truth. However, there are other ways to deny the validity of worldviews. At times we actually DO disagree. We just need to acce each other regardless as long as we don't do evil.

    Don SchindlerDon Schindler4 ore fa
  • "I didnt really know I thought that but thanks, now you've pointed it out I agree with you totally and have changed my mind." Something that has never been written on Internet comments.

    Andy harpistAndy harpist5 ore fa
  • 7:22 "Do you really wanna see a world without CocaCola" Walter white's joke when he was arguing with the drug dealer!

    ToldoToldo6 ore fa
  • did this on my league game... lost the match ofcs

    danraz0r Alicedanraz0r Alice6 ore fa
  • I don't for the most part usually ever have this problem, I'm quite different and am not tribal about politics.

    Wheelie BlindWheelie Blind8 ore fa
  • Listen up.... uhm..... the entire Democrat Party.

    Another NameAnother Name8 ore fa
  • Andrew Neil destroyed Ben Shapiro, it was so funny to watch him be walked all over. It shows why Ben goes to college campuses to debate.

    Tony ColeTony Cole9 ore fa
  • The smoking part hit me

    Kennedy CooperKennedy Cooper9 ore fa
  • Ben Shapiro is so obnoxious.

    Gruuvin1Gruuvin110 ore fa
  • Bro I’m in love with what you do

    watsup chavawatsup chava10 ore fa
  • Ben Shapiro is not as 'Logical' as you think . His arguments are based on personal biases and his religious beliefs .

    Pulkit maniPulkit mani10 ore fa
  • Great video. Seeing intellectuals fall for these traps is very humbling and helpful. It leads one to place extra attention to ourselves.

    Bryan RamirezBryan Ramirez10 ore fa
  • People have become dumbed down.

    Northcountry HermitNorthcountry Hermit10 ore fa
  • somehow "you" know what reason is scoff

    Dennis MarcusDennis Marcus11 ore fa
    • just go to dennismarkuze com there is your REASON

      Dennis MarcusDennis Marcus11 ore fa
  • I like how they used examples on both sides of the political isle (because let's face it, that's the lens that most people use these days), as positive or negative cases. Even the most capable can take a bad step. I don't completely agree with every instance, but nothing was completely taken out of context. Solid video.

    Jason SchuerrJason Schuerr12 ore fa
  • ah, yes, ad hominem. I too use adblocker to avoid ad hominem.

    AnggaAngga13 ore fa
  • Amazing Video Thank you for this one

    YourBeatzSupport - Rap & Trap InstrumentalsYourBeatzSupport - Rap & Trap Instrumentals13 ore fa
  • Thank you

    Georg SiemensGeorg Siemens13 ore fa
  • Simple you don't. You agree to disagree and moonwalk out of there.

    Al DenteAl Dente14 ore fa
  • I’ve got to have a very difficult conversation with a superior at work soon. This video has really helped me prepare. Thank you.

    Muffin’s ShedMuffin’s Shed15 ore fa
  • this is a weirdly ironic comment section

    mobeymobey16 ore fa
  • seems to me all you have to know is : if you both can repeat to each other what is being said in a way that shows understanding, that questions are answered not ignored, that once a point is made no one returns to debate it again, that you can be sure you are speaking to someone worth talking to. Seems to me most people I talk to are going off their own script that I cant possibly understand so they ignore that I can accurately summarize their point. They are so focused on not listening to me that soon its like they are actually talking to someone else and if you ask them "did you hear what I said a moment ago?" they look confused. As I get older these conversations end quickly. I ended a conversation with someone this week by saying "welp, some people hate every song the beatles made and some people even think their music is actually just the background music for a nike commercial", the guy I was talking with looked like he could tell I was insulting him but couldn't work it out.

    Earl PortlandEarl Portland16 ore fa
  • Thanks for this. For a while now I've been trying myself to recognise when I'm just arguing to win and I've tried to listen more and communicate better. The downside of this is it's even more frustrating now when I see others won't do the same. The information in this video might help to cope with that better and maybe communicate better when someone is shut down and not listening.

    Matt KinsellaMatt Kinsella16 ore fa
  • Jon Stewart's name is spelled "Jon" not "John." Sorry minor nit. Carry on.

    Deborah ArmstrongDeborah Armstrong17 ore fa
  • Whoa. And here I was thinking if I logicked hard enough, then I could get through to people because they would come to see that what I was saying makes sense. There's a part of my brain that hyper-analyzes things constantly, including the fundamentals of what I know. This actually results in a near-immunity to cognitive dissonance because cognitive dissonance is a state of nonsensical being (couldn't find a better word). I used to have cognitive dissonance, sure, but I was able to overcome it by being aware of my thoughts and actions. Sometimes I forget that other people don't seem to have this, so I do what would work for me and it goes horribly wrong. So this is helpful!

    GlassyPassifloraGlassyPassiflora17 ore fa
  • Dr. Peterson is the great philosopher of our time. You picked the wrong dude, moron

    Josefina LopezJosefina Lopez17 ore fa
  • That's great content.

    Emanuel PizaEmanuel Piza18 ore fa
  • I feel like my boy Mr.Charisma is a republican helping us get the message to ignorant liberals

    To God be The GloryTo God be The Glory18 ore fa
  • I dealt with it for years. You have to look at the logic willing to look at the logic. Example I lost my job in town now I had to pick up a job out of town with the same pay and I have to get up early and drive to work out of town. My mom.....oh shut up you have to get up 30 minutes earlier. At least you have a job that matches your former pay .

    T RangerT Ranger18 ore fa
  • Me finding out how to win an argument against my mum when she finds a joint in my jacket pocket.

    J V SJ V S18 ore fa
  • ben shapiro must be Rapper .... he is talking so fast

    BaiBars KhanBaiBars Khan19 ore fa
  • Were you in America’s next top model cycle 20? 🤔

    Kevin BarreraKevin Barrera19 ore fa
  • ^^

    Carl PeterssonCarl Petersson20 ore fa
  • I call it "The inability to ACCEPT information. They hear it, they even listen to it. But then they CHOOSE not to accept that information."

    NagsterTheGangsterNagsterTheGangster21 ora fa
  • People who really hate or love Trump come to mind. Also, socialists who think they can help people.

    John DoeJohn Doe22 ore fa
  • Hello can you please make a video about why, girls like me or why she likes me, im really sure they like me( im a good looking high school boy who's shy and with no confidence and don't really believe in my self that much) I also workout and have a good physique Even though I am good looking and have a good physique, I still don't believe in myself and im shy. Its not like I hate my self, I really really do love myself and im sure of that, I have a good life and family. I just want to be confident. And I have learnt that nothing can you confidence. Looks, money or assets. So please make a video about why girls like me, im really sure they like me , we have daily intense eye contacts, they whole group looks at me when I pass and etc So please please please make this video, I just want to know why they like me, and it's not only my looks that attracts them, its something deep inside me, maybe its cause im humble or something, but trust me its more than looks Don't forget the title: why people or girls like you ? Or something similar to this title

    Noko NotwaneNoko Notwane22 ore fa
  • Wait I know a lot of smokers that never had withdrawals i didn’t know people could

    John OlmosJohn Olmos23 ore fa
  • Everyone has cognitive dissonance. It’s just how open you are to hearing others cognitive dissonance. Cancel culture is the bane of our existence!

    Jacob Van VeitJacob Van Veit23 ore fa
  • How to argue with smb who wount listen - uses a example of pundit, who never listens to anybody with different opinion. wow

    DlugiDlugi23 ore fa
  • Ben is a joke most of the time; narcissist. The person who went to Harvard Law says they don't do credentialing - lying toss pot. Good for a laugh, thats all.

    RichardRichard23 ore fa
  • Fair point with making a joke to disarm the tension, but some people go so far into cognitive dissonance that they continue to wage verbal war against you and go into a downward spiral of anger and craziness, despite you wanting to back off from arguing with them. What do you do then ? Let's say it's a hypothetical discussion about Islam and you're the one criticizing it - you back off from the discussion because the other guy is accusing you of islamophobia - he then continues to do so, with an angry face, until you're pushed into a corner and have no option but to shut up, any attempt to crack a joke won't get a laugh, because he's deemed you to be the enemy. What then ? Do I just call the guy a jerk by that point ?

    Piano_Master_524Piano_Master_524Giorno fa
  • All politicians should take a course in this kind of communication skills.

    Giorgo De GroofGiorgo De GroofGiorno fa
  • When people do the ‘so you’re saying’ are usually going so far into the extreme opposite, that it’s ridiculous. If I said ‘ I like tea’ these people would say ‘so you’re saying you hate coffee then, oh you fcuking coffee hater, etc’

    Square PegSquare PegGiorno fa
  • The most common example of congitive dissonance is darwinist having no children or only 1 child 😅

    Bearded BroBearded BroGiorno fa
  • Or...we could just refuse to engage with these assholes, stop booking them on shows, stop giving them a platform and plain ignore them. They are trolls who thrive on attention. Let them wither and die.

    Bradley NoneofyourbizzBradley NoneofyourbizzGiorno fa
  • 3 Explosive/Emotional cognitive dissonance topics are (1) Politics (2) Religion and (3) Abotion . Start a discussion on any of those 3 and expect the following (A) hours of discourse IF the participants are MATURE enough to handle a debate (B) Yelling Match (C) Violent confrontation or (D) B & C plus police, lawyers and Judges involved ohhh don't forget jail time ..... Expect option "D" about 97% of the time....

    Mugh HungusMugh HungusGiorno fa
  • Yeah, just whip out Ableton Live.

    Vlad VVlad VGiorno fa
  • The thing is people who wont listen wont be watching this video to learn. You cant learn if you unaware of your own stupidity

    The Holistic SoulThe Holistic SoulGiorno fa
  • Cathy Newman as poorly as she did wasn't outmatched in arguments but in rethorics. The problem people face when debating peterson is his tendency to make highly leading descriptive claims and when push comes to shove he says: Well how should I know what to do? While he clearly is pushing in a certain direction with the data points he's giving he never makes a normative claim following up. So for example when he says there is a paygap but it only exists because fact a, fact b... he leads people to think the paygap is just a biological necessity because women work less hours, get children and don't show that much interest in stem fields. The normative claim what we ought to do about it (example: we should pay more to caretakers, nurses and co. or we could give payed maternity leave or whatever) is just never made. This brings up the illusion that there is just nothing to be done about this, while really there are lots of ways to even it out. People who don't see what he's doing get mad at him and lose debates that's how he wins them so often in the eyes of his audience.

    Fcktherules OrsuckmyjewelsFcktherules OrsuckmyjewelsGiorno fa
  • there is a problem there. There are some topics that even though logical and true are not possible to get across because they are not acceptable societaly, and agreeing to them would cripple your character.

    SinbadSinbadGiorno fa
  • Great analysis!!

    Jhon Moncaleano TorresJhon Moncaleano TorresGiorno fa
  • crowder prooved on Joe Rogan hes not that smart. Because when Rogan gave him facts..actual FACTS..he had nothing....

    Nyran StantonNyran StantonGiorno fa
  • The video is too fast for me to grasp or comprehend. By the time i've understood point 1 we've moved on to point 7. Also coming from the other face of the earth, i have no clue about the background of "clips of interviews" interjected or interspersed but for Cathy Newman. Went over the head :(

    Anne d'GGAnne d'GGGiorno fa
  • Everyone be sure to watch out for the dangerous gynecological condition that causes wet p-words. My wife told me that p-words are supposed to be dry, and wetness is unnatural. If you suffer from wet p-word, please consult a doctor. Perhaps my wife could treat you. Because she's a doctor.

    Jack BlackJack BlackGiorno fa
  • It sure what I just heard but it sounded good

    Naomi BurnNaomi BurnGiorno fa
  • Good video. I am attracted to Cathy Newman.

    39416023941602Giorno fa
  • 'So you're saying' is actually a good thing to use in a conversation to let them know you're listening and to help you understand their point of view. Adding false and incorrect statements after the 'So you're saying' is what is harmful and shows your cognitive dissonance.

    FultonianFultonianGiorno fa
    • @John H The faux intellectual trap. Too many lost young men are succumbing to it.

      Jack BlackJack BlackGiorno fa
    • That interview was a train wreck, but the general problem with Peterson is that he never "says" anything. He hints, he implies, right underneath the surface of every single thing he says is the belief that men are superior beings and women need to fall back in line and perform their traditional roles. And that's hardly even his least logical or most dishonest sentiment. He also talks in circles without saying much to confuse people into thinking he has a valid point. He does not view things objectively, he does not take in new information and update his beliefs. He views everything through an extremely religious lens and bends everything around that until it fits. If you can't see this, then you're not very discerning or intelligent.

      John HJohn HGiorno fa
  • Still not selling individual modules of charisma university? Still charging 600 dollars for the whole thing and not making it possible to buy a module at a time? I don’t get why. You’d make more money and more people could access your material.

    Jordan GillJordan GillGiorno fa
  • The gentlemen in your thumbnail don't use logic. They use rhetoric crafted for them in think tanks, they use weasley debate "tricks." They use absurd hypotheticals and hypocrisy to justify their deeply religious beliefs, which are not supported by facts or logic. They pick on college freshmen to appear intelligent. You're either tragically ignorant, or intentionally sneaking in Alt-lite support.

    Bo YoBo YoGiorno fa
  • "Ha! Well thats quite a segue!" He never let's anything slip past.

    :D :D:D :DGiorno fa
  • No one will beat Ben in argument sadly

    landon drainlandon drainGiorno fa
    • @Cyril what it about

      landon drainlandon drain16 ore fa
    • ​@Cyril Exactly. The moment the mask slipped and he revealed himself to be a sniveling infant. The only thing he's capable of doing is bullying college kids. If people actually fact checked him, or saw opposing views or breakdowns of his dishonesty instead of staying in their echo chamber, anyone with half a brain could see it.

      Bo YoBo YoGiorno fa
    • LOL Check out his debate with Andrew Neil.

      CyrilCyrilGiorno fa
  • 8:24, im gonna advocate for jordan shortly, in that especific interview the guy kept saying "well ok" as if what he was saying was not different from what jordan was saying, wich is actually not ok, jordan had all the right to correct his phrase ,he was not trying to change his mind neither demonstrating superiority , he was correcting his phrase to be more precise to what he was actually trying to say, mabe you have misread it a little bit.

    Estêvão CabralEstêvão CabralGiorno fa
  • i thought yelling makes your point right

    アニメさんアニメさんGiorno fa
  • Great video, great information. Makes a lot of sense.

    Darklogic112358Darklogic112358Giorno fa
  • Another good technique is to say "yeah I used to think that way too" because now the other person's image of themselves as an intelligent person is not destroyed if you admit that you yourself went through a transformation of belief. Plus they will see that your views probably aren't so opposed to their own.

    Ty WillinganzTy WillinganzGiorno fa
  • I've always found that if you can reframe an argument and make it match something else that the person believes in just as deeply, its somewhat effective (its incredibly hard to change a person's mind)... as the video points out, the worst thing you can do is overwhelm them with facts, because essentially they will feel like you want them to admit you are smarter than they and they will resist that notion with all their power

    Ty WillinganzTy WillinganzGiorno fa
  • Always remain calm. When you’re opponent gets red in the face and starts climbing across the table, you’ve won. You’ll probably need to move to a safe distance, though.

    Beth MooreBeth MooreGiorno fa
    • That's not true at all. By that definition "winning" just means winning over the crowd of mindless goons watching the discourse by "triggering" someone. That's the problem with edgy debatelords. Winning should be defined by actually being correct and being able to back it up. Civility politics is for empty headed losers. There is plenty of bad, vile rhetoric and dishonesty in the current climate that rightfully angers people.

      Bo YoBo YoGiorno fa
  • Smoking is irrational, because it’s an addiction. It takes a lot more than reason alone to be motivated to quit. Remember that when you talk to a smoker. I watched my father die of lung cancer, but quitting smoking seemed impossible, and I made every excuse you named and more. I chew nicotine gum now.

    Beth MooreBeth MooreGiorno fa
  • The video makes no sense. Advices at the end are good but most of the things throughout the video have nothing to do with cognitive dissonance being a bad thing. "So you're saying" and putting other's oppinion into your own words is actually a way to understand . Those together with "stunned by new info" are actually pointers to the fact that you are losing or winning(depending on the side of those things that you find yourself) an argument, but don't help with anything to actually pass through someone's cognitive dissonance and actually getting to them.

    Adrian ChiritaAdrian ChiritaGiorno fa
  • I watched that Ben Shapiro clip. Ben was right.

    Corrado PalmeriniCorrado PalmeriniGiorno fa
  • I love how the video addresses cognitive dissonance of the self. That's probably the most important part of this entire topic and I love it

    The Page TurnerThe Page TurnerGiorno fa
  • 04:00 :) MIND READING

    J. R,J. R,Giorno fa
  • This is a great video - thanks for sharing.

    Endless GrowthEndless GrowthGiorno fa
  • Do you “love animals”, but eat meat? That’s have cognitive dissonance, and applies to 99% of people here.

    Jay SJay SGiorno fa
  • Marxists beware, the muzzles of rifles everywhere are bering down on YOU!

    J BalzeyJ BalzeyGiorno fa
  • Yes, You primitive socialists, I speak about you! Real human beings can not, and will not COMPLY!!!!!!!!

    J BalzeyJ BalzeyGiorno fa
  • The human brain is complex thing. Im happy I know how to take an objective view at things. And not get so caught up in my own experience and emotions. I’ve been on 2 sides of a topic and because of that I’m able to understand each and when you’re in it. It feels right. It feel like infallible truth. But it’s not the reality sometimes. Especially when you’re not using logic. I can respect someone who can sit their emotions aside and or have a call objective discussion. Sometimes it’s just better not to argue with strangers though. And if the environment doesn’t call for it, move on. If you’re in a academic/professional setting. Or with family you may possible be able to have a productive talk. Especially with the tips from these videos! Awesome stuff!

    Jamar MartinJamar MartinGiorno fa
  • You can't reason with the irrational, you have to out crazy them.

    Steven ReidaSteven ReidaGiorno fa
  • There is no greater example of cognitive dissonance today than the belief that animals are beings that matter, that they should not be abused, harmed and killed when young; and yet not being vegan and paying for this to happen.

    Robert BRobert BGiorno fa
  • I got into it the other day with a couple people because I made a comment about something and these two people immediately shoved these negative ideas into our conversation and acted as if I was the one who presented them when I never did such a thing and when I supported my claims, they found new ideas to pretend that I had. These friends of mine did 4/7 of these things!

    Temp BrennTemp BrennGiorno fa
  • Sounds like denial

    alightenedalightenedGiorno fa
  • Making his cognitive dissonance sound coherent is Jordan Petersons’s ONLY talent!! Confront him and he’ll say it would take him hours to explain!! 😂

    PlatonsArmPlatonsArmGiorno fa
  • Is it worth pointing out that Ben Shapiro and Jordan Bumblebee Peterson are the worst offenders of not being logical, or am I gonna get dog-piled by sycophants?

    Katie Smiley-OyenKatie Smiley-OyenGiorno fa
    • The latter, of course. There's a lot of overlap between mindless right wingers lapping up the bs of those two, and incels that need to constantly watch "how 2 be cool and get gurl" videos. Hmm, imagine that.

      Bo YoBo YoGiorno fa
  • Guys, thank you so much for your videos, can you make video about charisma of Michael Scofield from Prison Break, please. Will be very happy about that, thank you again for your activity, it helps me a lot

    NNGiorno fa
  • Both Bens had some embarrassing back-and-forths highlighted in this video.

    Parker MudsenParker MudsenGiorno fa
  • But Ben Afleck was correct in that interview with Sam Harris. He drew a distinction between legitimate criticism of Islam and Islamaphobia, which spreads conspiracy theories about what Islam is and how it will hurt the west. YOU inaccurately summed up BEN'S argument, lol.

    conker690conker690Giorno fa
  • I hope all of us can get more self-awareness from watching this. It's amazing stuff

    OnePersonCan MakeADifferenceOnePersonCan MakeADifferenceGiorno fa
  • My 2cents, I’m at the point where I only talk and debate things with people that are open minded and are not in the business of being "correct" but the business of understanding "what is correct" this way we both can learn and improve. If I don’t know a subject too well but I have an idea about it then I’m willing to accept new ideas because I’m not trying to be "correct" I’m trying to learn and understand "what is correct", but If I have knowledge about something and I have proof that my knowledge is correct and statistical data and evidence and facts then I’m not going to change my idea because I know its correct unless proven otherwise. With people that are stubborn and illogical and dig their heels in and are adamant they are right even when they are clearly wrong but can’t admit it for whatever reason, I just don’t bother talking to those people or if I have to it’s just a Hi and bye, because most people from the age of 25 have their way of thinking and aren’t willing to change unless they are forced to change by circumstance from their belief system and even then some people just never learn their lesson.

    SamSamGiorno fa
  • Weak...

    Ivan EngelIvan EngelGiorno fa
  • arguing with democrats and liberals

    SatsuiEvilRyuSatsuiEvilRyuGiorno fa
  • Esse que é o ex-maior canal de linguagem corporal do mundo?

    DAVIz1ns 777DAVIz1ns 777Giorno fa